Getting Pregnant in Your Late 20’s
Our Story – the Challenges, Emotions, and the “Ending”

Are we ready for a kid?

Each couple has their journey and their life experiences will greatly differ from one another. My husband’s and my journey has taken us down a path of wanting a family.

Our decision to start a family wasn’t spontaneous nor did it feel like it was just what you do after you got married. We had babysat my nephew, Tenzin, who was then 2, and it just felt very natural for the both of us, and we had a genuine desire to start a family. We talked about our childhoods, all the fond memories, and we wanted to create that for ourselves.

We’re both at an age where outside parties expect you to have children. While we both wanted kids someday, we naively thought the second we tried; it would be like magic, poof, I would be with child. However, it wasn’t so easy.

At the end of it all, we tried for a little over a year before finally getting pregnant. Looking back now, it doesn’t seem like such a long time, but when you’re going through it, it feels like an eternity.

We started asking ourselves “Why aren’t we pregnant yet?” “Is there something wrong?” “What can we do to improve our chances?” To spare people the intimate details, we tried it all – from diet, to timing, to positions, and frequency. There were moments where I felt like my body was betraying me or was playing a cruel joke where I thought I was pregnant – I would be “late”, “felt” different, but would take an at home pregnancy test to only be disappointed to see I was in fact not pregnant. Those moments would crush my hopes and took an emotional toll on me.

My general doctor had prescribed me a prenatal vitamin early on, even before we were actively trying to conceive, but had also told me that if after a year, we were still not pregnant, to consult a fertility specialist. There is that legitimate fear of “am I not able to do what my body is biologically supposed to do?” In some ways, you feel like less of a woman, but I mostly think it’s because you are emotional from not being able to conceive on your own. Then there is that even bigger question of, “What if there is some underlying issues that is preventing me from being able to conceive?”

Meeting with a Fertility Specialist

Things to Consider Financially BEFORE Meeting with a Fertility Specialist

Before going into the experience itself, I’ll go into the more technical and financial burdens first; only because I appreciate that information where available and also it’s not at the forefront of your mind when you decide to consult a fertility specialist. You’re just thinking “Help me have a baby.”

Now all insurance companies are different, so our experience is going to vary from others. I laid out some helpful tips for before you make an appointment and for general information that I wish I knew before starting this process.

• Check who is in network vs out of network

Most insurance companies should have an online portal where you can access your benefits and take a look at who would be considered “in network.”

• Call the clinic and let them know you’re a first-time patient, but want to get billing information for an initial /consultation appointment.
• Get billing codes for tests and procedures to get estimates

After your initial appointment, the doctor should outline a plan for you and your partner. This will vary based on test results, but in the beginning, I got the impression that everyone took the same initial tests to rule out possible challenges. Get billing codes for these tests and procedures. Without the codes, it’s impossible for your insurance company to let you know what those costs are. Try asking the doctor’s office’s billing department – they should be able to do this for you as well.

We learned this the hard way because as mentioned above, we didn’t think about asking what a blood test or a physical exam at that office would cost us. Next thing you know, we were hit with some high bills without expecting it. The total was close to $1,000 – always try negotiating your bills – especially if it’s through a 3rd party provider for lab work. I found that even if you get hit with a bill, by calling them – they always offered a discount. I’m not sure exactly why that works, but that has been my experience.

Fertility Specialist Experience

After speaking with a few friends and performing a few Google searches, we found Texas Fertility Center. Obviously, they are a fertility clinic and deal with this day in and day out, but as a couple who is going for the first time, we didn’t know what to expect or what to prepare.

After a very long wait (45 minutes – which is apparently normal), we were taken back and did the usual initial questions with the nurse. (Basic contact info, how long have we been trying, have we been pregnant before? etc.) The doctor then comes in and provides a brief background of what they do and outlined a plan with multiple paths based on our results. The first thing they do are the “easy” tests, e.g., sperm count for my husband, physical exam, hormone test, egg count, and other blood work for me to figure out whether or not I’m ovulating. Another thing I didn’t realize was that I could only take those tests during a specific time in my menstrual cycle and those results would take a while before the office would receive them. All in all, I would say this took over 2 months.

While fortunately, everything checked out well for both my husband and I, and what I mean is if there was a grade on these tests, we both passed with flying colors, we still were like “Well, why are we not pregnant yet?”

The next test they had me do was an HSG test – where they push a dye through the uterus and fallopian tubes while doing an x-ray exam to make sure nothing was “blocking” the path to your egg. While, there isn’t a lot of evidence to fully support this, both the doctor and the technician told me that sometimes it “clears” out the system and that women often become pregnant after having this procedure done. The technician said the cleared pipes should last up to 3 months. Now, while the procedure is non-invasive, it was very uncomfortable for me. Plus she wasn’t able to insert the tube correctly and had to manually hold it there while also operating the machine –  which caused me to bleed internally – like a light period for a couple of days.

While again, nothing abnormal showed up, we were then told to try and conceive and see if the HSG test, in fact, helped “clear” out my system. Again, it was a waiting game at this point. We tried and didn’t see results, and I was going into my third month after the HSG procedure and was beginning to lose hope until…

Are we Pregnant?

Into the third month after the HSG (November 2016), my husband had planned a date night for us – movie and dinner, since he knew how tough and disappointing this whole experience had been for me personally and wanted us to do something fun to take my mind off of it. It was a Sunday night, and after the movie, we went to have dinner. While at the restaurant, I went to the ladies room and to my disappointment (or so I thought), I saw light pink when I wiped. (Keep in mind, I was late, but I wasn’t getting my hopes up because of my past experiences.) Saddened by what I saw, I told my husband, and we ate the rest of our dinners with the attitude, “well we’ll just try again next month.”

Fast forward to Monday morning at around 6:30 a.m. I woke up, and I don’t know how to     explain it except to say that I felt “different.” Now, my husband and I don’t ever get up that early, especially my husband who is much more of a night owl. I snuck into the bathroom to take a test. (Women who have gone through or are going through this experience can probably understand it’s very difficult to resist the urge to not take an exam, especially under specific circumstances.) Previously, when I had taken an at-home exam, it would take the full 3 minutes for the results to come in. The second I peed on the stick, it instantly said I was pregnant. Overcome by emotions and happiness, I sat there crying in disbelief that the result I strongly desired to see for so long had finally shown up.

How to tell the Husband that We’re Pregnant?

I had it in my mind that when I got pregnant, I would charmingly surprise my husband. I was going to buy a Tim Duncan baby jersey and wrap it up and give it to him as a gift. However, my husband can tell you that I’m terrible at keeping surprises from him, especially if it’s for him from me. Plus, it was a Monday, and there was no way I was going to get through the workday while withholding that information from him.

He might remember this slightly different from me, but again, it was before 7:00 a.m., he’s still asleep, and it’s still dark outside and in our bedroom. I gently woke him up, but couldn’t speak because I was holding back my tears and I turned on the bedside lamp. Trying to get the words to come out, my husband wakes up but immediately recognized that I had been crying and immediately was concerned and said “What’s wrong??? Are you okay? What happened???” Realizing I didn’t think this through or execute this well, I just handed him the test. At first, he didn’t know what I gave him, but then it finally registered that we were, in fact, pregnant and he embraced me and proceeded to say “Holy shit Thy, you scared me. I thought someone had died, or something happened to you…but yay we’re pregnant!”

The Happy Ending

As you can imagine, our “getting pregnant” adventure lead to a happy ending for us. We consider ourselves lucky that we didn’t have any reproductive challenges and that with persistence, we finally were pregnant.

We know this isn’t always the case, and we can only wish for those that are met with more challenges that they too will find their happy ending – regardless of whether it is pregnancy or something else.

I found that hearing from other moms-to-be and moms about their stories helped my mental state tremendously – so please share your Trying to Get Pregnant Stories or if you have any questions about ours – post them in the comments below!

Be Positive. Be Patient. Be Persistent. Most of all, give yourself a break – you’ll figure it out. You Got This.